Reframing Chores as Contributions

A mom in one of my parenting groups complained that she couldn’t get her son to elementary school on time. Somewhere between waking up and getting out of the house, he got lost in the chaos of getting ready. Sound familiar?

I suggested to Deb that it was not all up to her and encouraged her to share some of the morning responsibility with her child by, first, sharing the problem. We had some fun role-playing and, when the curtain went up at home, she threw her hands up and announced that she had no idea how to get Jake to school on time. “I give up,” she moaned and plopped onto the sofa in defeat. Six-year-old Jake snuggled up with his mom and brainstormed about ways he could get out of the house faster in the morning.

It didn’t take long for Jake to suggest that they move the cereal bowls to a lower cabinet and the milk to a lower shelf in the refrigerator so he could get his own breakfast. Brilliant! (Why didn’t I think of that?) Deb asked Jake to go one step further and set the breakfast table each night before going to bed.

It’s easy to reframe chores as contributions when we invite kids into the conversation and ask them to share some responsibility. Instead of giving Jake money or prizes for pitching in, Deb gave him the opportunity to learn new skills and feel good about participating. Jake became energized by his creative contribution instead of frustrated by the self-defeating habit of arriving late. Sometimes it makes sense to share a problem with your child if he’s old enough to be part of the solution.

Download our Contribution Chore Chart, and get started with this list of age-appropriate chores for kids: